Christian Dating?

I can’t tell you how many books I’ve tried to find, articles I’ve read and people I’ve talked to, in hopes of gaining clarity on what it means to be in a Christian “dating” relationship.  Not sure if you’re aware, but there is no topic dedicated to dating in the bible—not even one chapter. This is simply because dating didn’t exist in biblical times.

So how do you apply what you read in The Word to your life as a woman in the 21^st century? Well, even though the bible doesn’t directly talk about dating, it speaks volumes about relationships and principles that you can apply to how you date. The bible teaches you so many life lessons about doing what is beneficial and healthy. For me, making a list based off those biblical truths helps me to understand dating in a way that is healthy and inline with my faith. This list can be applied to any woman looking to reevaluate her current dating situation. It’s tough out there for us, and I felt compelled to drop any knowledge I know to be foolproof!

1.     Get your mind right: Whatever old baggage you have from past relationships  - remove it! Figure out a way to detach that U-Haul from your life. Whether it’s through therapy, going to church, life groups, reading… Whatever it is, remove those bricks. If you carry them to the next relationship, you’ll be building the same house. Stay prayerful and ask God to provide interactions with people that reflect love and wholeness and ask Him to renew your mind every single day.

2.     Date someone with a right mind: You can’t be unevenly yoked, which means it’s important to connect with people that are in line with your spiritually. Like I’ve mentioned before, Christianity is a way of life, not a hobby, so if your significant other rejects all of your beliefs, you will be walking around that same mountain for forty years. The truth is, the healthier both of you are emotionally and spiritually, the healthier your relationship will be. If you’re “sold out” for Christ, then make sure the man you decide to give your attention to is as well. That spiritual bond is something not easily broken and it’s one of the most beautiful things to experience. When you have a person in your life that will not only pray with you, but also pray for you—that’s the man you keep around.

3.     Perceive dating as a time for encouragement: We are called to encourage and uplift those around us. We can speak light into any situation we’re faced with, or someone we care about is faced with.  If the person you’re dating is struggling, ask God to deliver them from that issue, and also be an example of someone who displays divine ignorance to any negativity coming their way. This world can be so dark at times so the more you can encourage and be an example, you’ll be left with no regret, regardless of the relationship outcome.

4.    Don’t partake in the no-pants dance: I know this one is going to kill a lot of you, because trust me, it isn’t easy, but a physical relationship is reserved for marriage—period. For those engaging in noncommittal sex, you likely don’t see the issue; I didn’t either. But think about how you feel after: vulnerable, confused, mislead, and possibly upset. While most will argue that it’s for their pleasure too, and they don’t see the harm, I challenge you to really be honest and ask yourself why you do it. Don’t give in, in fear you’ll lose the guy, because guess what? He’s NOT the guy then. When you remove that aspect, you remove the stress and emotional toll it takes if that relationship ends. Continue to ask God to give you the strength to maintain physical boundaries until he puts a ring on it!

5.    Take it up: Any dating relationship should consist of three people: you, him and God. That trio is unstoppable! God cares about the things that concern you so include Him in your relational world. Your dating relationship can be used as an instrument that draws us close to God as we seek Him for wisdom, guidance and discernment along the way (Psalm 34:10). When things are great—pray and talk to Him, when things are rocky—pray and talk to Him. Always, always, always talk to Him and ask Him to protect your mind and heart and to guide your footsteps. Include Him in your world; He’s longing to have that intimate connection with you.

So you see, there is no such thing as “Christian dating,” only Christians who date. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself and just use the interactions you have with others as an opportunity to connect and draw closer to God, and to reflect Him to the people He brings into your life!

(Hugs)